Chinese Wedding

I am in love.

  Sorry it's been so long since my last post but this one will hopefully make up for the time lost. I will also be live streaming on my computer (that means that I will have my webcam turned on and will be on the internet so you can see me and ask me questions using skype or facebook or the website and I can directly respond to you while you watch) at 7:30pm MST this evening (Monday 11/21/2011) so if you don't want to read this, I will basically start by telling you all exactly what I wrote in the post. I won't say it word for word but it will be in the same format with maybe a few added details that I remember on the spot. I will also have a nice Q&A session afterwards so you can log into facebook, skype, gmail chat, or make an account on the streaming website to chat and ask your questions. I'll even take emails at munkyguitarist@gmail.com because I will be constantly checking it. Here is the link, just click it to watch! CLICK ME!!!!

For those of you who want to read it, here it is:

  This weekend I just had was probably one of the best weekends I've ever had in my whole life and I must say that I love the cultural experiences that I have been exposed to. I know that I talk about how much I love life in every post yada yada but gosh golly gee I can't describe my feelings in words. I am so lucky to be able to speak Chinese and have great friends that show me around. I am in love and have reached nirvana.

  I had dinner with my Chinese mama the other night and I hadn't seen her in quite some time so it was nice to see her. However, it appears she is up to her tricks again as she has given me news about her daughter... She is in Korea currently visiting her and when I saw her, she told me that she was going to have a long talk with Gao Yue (long talk = a quick lecture) about her current boyfriend. Apparently her boyfriend isn't cutting it with Chinese mama so she's basically going to tell Yue to dump him and that'll be that. Of course the following conversation that ensued was a recreation of what I've typed a million times in my posts about her telling me that I should marry her daughter, take her apartment, make a baby and get a good job all right here in Shanghai. She. Just. Won't. Give. Up will she?! * sigh *

  I also took my good friends Jie and Cici to a restaurant that I sometimes frequent on Mondays that serve good burgers and fries along with a pint of beer for 50RMB or roughly $8. I wish I would have taken a picture of them when they took the first bite. It was better than a kid on Christmas morning no doubt. They proceeded to go again this week because they liked it so much which made me feel elated. They're doing quite well and I also helped my friend Jie get the same internet proxy that I have so now he spends all of his free time on youtube and he just made a facebook profile and I'm his only friend haha. If you guys want, you can friend him on facebook by searching for this name by copying and pasting it 杨杰. I'll make sure to let him know he's going to get flooded with friend requests from a bunch of ocean devils. You'll know it's the right person because currently I'm his only friend since none of his Chinese friends have facebook.

  One last thing before getting into the juicy details of the Chinese wedding, I'm currently looking for a new job to start that will hopefully give me the same salary with good hours and will actually be something I can apply myself at. To be honest (yes mom that means I'm not gunna lie) I don't mind teaching the children English since I believe it is very important for them but I can feel myself regressing each day when I go and speak elementary English for hours upon hours. I'm also getting a little sick of the travel time as I my time traveled vs time teaching ratio is 1:1. It literally cuts my salary in half which I can't complain too much about because it's still quite good for how much I work but I would rather be productive those hours that I mindlessly ride the subway. So, if anyone has any connections in Shanghai, let me know! Or if anyone knows of a gig on the travel channel or discovery, I'd be open to that too =)

Ok, now ladies and gentlemen, the final event! Oh boy, if you guys thought that a western wedding was fun, you're right 100%! However, Chinese weddings are also very fun so let's check it out, WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  So, I was invited to this wedding by one of my friends Jue who is really good friends with the bride and groom and I immediately jumped on this opportunity and I'm SO glad that I did. We started out by taking a three hour bus ride to a city south of Shanghai which is still quite large but it's not as big as Shanghai. It doesn't have as many people, the buildings are shorter and the people in my opinion are a lot nicer. In my opinion it's a better representation of what the majority of china is like. Not crazy bustling but still in full swing.

  When I arrived we immediately went to my friends house where I met his mother and his grandmother which was a treat and the grandma thought that I was Chinese when I walked in because I started speaking with them and then she took a good look at me and realized that I indeed was a foreigner. Haha, I was flattered and we all had a good laugh about it. My friend's mother runs a cosmetic business and she is over 50 years old and looks not a day over 35. It's pretty crazy to see but I guess she's like a walking advertisement. My friend's dad is also in great shape at over 50 and recently rode his bicycle to Tibet! Talk about an accomplishment.

  We immediately sat down to eat some great home made food to which I gave many praises and they kept on saying I was too polite but in all reality, it was some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life. Let's just say when I come back, you'll want to go to a Chinese restaurant with me because I can ask them to make their specialty dishes that aren't catered towards westerners like most of the usual stuff ;). After lunch, we sat and chatted for a little bit then my friend Jue (who by the way I mentioned her in one of my past posts when I went outside the city) and her grandmother said we should play some Mah Jong. I got so excited that I jumped up straight away to help them clear the table. We all sat down and I remembered my Mah Jong “skills” from the previous time I played. The grandmother was so kind and heart warming but when she's at the table, don't underestimate her because she can be ruthless!

  After playing for an hour or two, I had won the respect and love of Jue's mother and grandma, but I had lost a little chunk of change because they play for money and they play for keeps! Definitely an awesome game that I will have to introduce to all of you. It's easy, fast, fun and you can gamble on it (if you so choose). Soon after, some friends came to pick us up and we left on the beginning of a two day adventure that I will never forget (because I was smart and wrote down everything we did each night before I went to bed).

  So, when we got picked up, we went to the outskirts of town to the house of the bride's family. It is customary for the bride and groom to feed all of their family and friends the night before the wedding so we were treated to an awesome feast which I have posted a picture of below. Of course, I was the only foreigner so ominous stares were present (wow, I am proud of myself for good word usage even after I was “slightly” intoxicated and wrote that down). Anywaaaaaaayyyyy, during this time of year, Ning Bo (the city I was in) is said to have some of the best seafood in the whole country so that's all we ate the whole weekend. In the picture below you can recognize a few things but I'm sure there are a few things that you don't recognize so allow me to say what we had and let you guess what is what.

  Ok, it's the where's waldo of Chinese seafood: we had raw crab, mud fish, duck, little whole octopus, the yolks of duck eggs, clams, snails, and of course, octopus testicles. Yes, you read that correctly. They were actually quite tasty! I made myself try everything because after all, it's just different to me but it doesn't mean that it's not good right? The dinner ended with these awesome steamed buns filled with some sort of fruit candy and a sweet gravy-like substance. It was SO good and I'd never eaten anything like it before. I'll be getting that recipe for sure.

  Afterward, we went out for some fun and Jue introduced me to one of her girlfriends who she is trying to set me up with. Oh. My. Gato. She is such a cutey! She was also very uncharacteristic of many women her age (25) and she was completely comfortable with who she is. From the second I met her, she was no one else but herself and she didn't try to act a certain way to make a good impression on me, she just acted like she normally does and oh boy was that attractive! Anyway, we went out for a few drinks, played some games, danced and just had a great time. After a few rounds we were exhausted from not much sleep the night before and a long day so we decided to head out. We all hopped into a taxi and we were off! We zoomed on down to a local campus where one of Jue's friends was gracious enough to let me use a single bedroom apartment that was vacant. I was so thrilled and couldn't express my thanks enough to this guy. He is truly a great new friend and I hope to see him next time he comes to Shanghai or I go back to Ning bo.  His name is Fei and he's pictured below with Jue and her girlfriend Nina.

  The next morning, we had to meet up at 8am so in hindsight the night before was maybe not the best way to prepare for a day of events that started so early, but we were all troopers and managed pretty well. On the day of the wedding, the groom first meets up with all of his groomsmen and we drive in a procession to the house of his brides parents. We all jumped into cars that belonged to the grooms family and ho-boy were they nice cars! The father of the groom is quite well off and we were riding in Mercedes Benz and the new BMW series 7 along with others. When asked how much they spent on the cars, they replied most of them were around the 1.5 million RMB region. =O that's a lot of money. That's more than $200,000.... this family was pretty well off I must say.

  We headed out in a line and we got a lot of stares because it was 5 really nice cars all decorated with flowers and wedding stuff and the procession was led by an SUV with the hired photographer sticking out the sun roof snapping pictures and taking videos of the whole thing. We then took a small detour through a REALLY crowded area of the city to kind of show off the groom and let everyone know that there was going to be a huge wedding that day. It was definitely a cool ordeal.

  When we got to the brides house, they lit off SO many fireworks and it was really, really loud but also really, really fun. They also shot off some confetti and all of the neighbors came out of their houses to see what the #$%& was going on. This is where the fun and cultural differences comes into play. The groom is actually blocked from getting into the house by his brides extended family. They won't let him in unless he can convince them otherwise. This is where your smooth talking best man does lots of work for you and tries to get them to let the groom in to get his bride. He tried offering their kids candy and when that didn't work, he moved to cigarettes which was hilarious. They didn't budge though. I told them that they should come get their picture taken with the foreigner but that didn't work either. They started telling us that they were the guards and they wanted their salary. I definitely think they wanted a bribe more then a salary but hey, it's all in the way you say it I guess. Well, the best man negotiated with them and they reached the final amount of 2,800 RMB. This is something that is very common in Chinese weddings and some of the people there said he got off pretty easy haha. Well, the groom paid his money and the family allowed him in... only to await the next obstacle.

  The next obstacle the groom had to overcome was the bridesmaids. They were all gathered with the bride-to-be and wouldn't let us in the room. These women weren't going to settle for money either, they wanted a showing of true devotion from this guy. They started saying that we were all going to have to do a bunch of pushups and some other exercises but the best man was a smooth talker and got them to reconsider. They then requested some songs and put on some music for the groom and best man to sing along with. That was actually really funny because the groom was shaking so bad because he was so nervous! He did really well though and obviously loves his wife enough to make a fool of himself to prove it so mad props to him.

  Once we were inside the room, the groom then had to find the left shoe of the bride that had been hidden by all of the bridesmaids. Once he found it, he had to propose again to his soon to be wife with the shoe in a very Cinderella-esque manner. It was quite nice to be honest and everyone was super, super happy. She accepted, everyone cheered and then they were made to kiss which was actually a big obstacle for them again haha. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but it's quite funny to watch Chinese couples sometimes, especially this one that was just about to get married! The thing is, in public they are all very embarrassed to show displays of affection. It's quite rare and every now and then you'll see a peck on the cheek in the subway or a quick kiss when they think no one is looking but I mean, this couple was just about to get married and they were still embarrassed about it. That's just the culture though, nothing wrong with it.

  Then as tradition goes, we went to the new apartment of the bride and groom. It was a really awesome place and it cost a cool 1.9 million RMB (roughly $300,000). It had two stories, a balcony and really chic furniture. When we got there, all of the groomsmen and friends went in first then barricaded the door so that the bride and her bridesmaids couldn't get in. This is where revenge was had although the brides uncle was there and he had the devil's silver tongue which allowed the negotiations to be short and precise. They ended up giving us a measly 500RMB and then got in. It was pretty funny to see them negotiating with each other. I guess it's hard to explain but because I speak the language I can understand their nuances when they say certain things that just don't quite translate to English very well.

  After this, we jumped back into the fancy chariots and headed for a hotel where the ceremony was going to take place. In Chinese weddings, they don't use a church and a priest or any religious individual for that matter. It's just an MC that directs the ceremony and all the while, it's quite loud with people talking, drinking and eating. It was strange to see people talking during the ceremony as a wedding in my eyes usually takes place in silence until we all cheer at the end but the whole thing was quite a great show regardless. Here's a quick outline of how the wedding goes:

• Everyone is already seated and eating/drinking before the wedding party arrives
• The bride and groom arrive and the MC introduces them
• The father of the bride is asked if he accepts the groom to marry his daughter
• The groom then proposes again in front of everyone
• The couple walk to center stage and the MC talks about how they met and wishes them good fortune etc.
• Speeches are made by friends and co workers about the two and how they met and such
• Exchange vows and rings (not like vows as we know them, quite a bit quicker)
• The parents then come up to the stage and the couple show their love and devotion to them.
• The father of the groom speaks to everyone.
• The couple bows together to the parents of the bride
• The couple then bows to the parents of the groom
• Finally to end the ceremony, the bride and groom bow to each other and give a little smoochy smoochy

  This all took place in about 30-45 minutes and then the newly weds had to go to each table and drink a glass of alcohol with the patrons of that table. Well, there were at least 20 tables so this could turn out pretty bad right? The secret is that the best man and maid of honor actually follow them with bottles of alcohol to refill the glasses but the alcohol they use is heavily watered down so that the bride and groom don't get alcohol poisoning on the first day as a married couple.

  The meal here was also quite full of seafood as well as other delicacies such as pig tongue, cold chicken and snake which I ate for the first time. The meal was SO good and the alcohol was flowing! Everyone kept toasting everyone in a non-stop manner and we were quite jubilant by the time it had ended. At the end of the ceremony, they had a little drawing for guests that attended. In the morning, we were supposed to send texts with well wishes for the couple to a certain number so that during the wedding, they could display all of these texts on the projector screen. The texts were listed in the order that they were received and thus were given a number. Then the MC would draw a number and he would read that text out loud and that person would get to pick a stuffed animal as a prize and pick the next number. Turns out that my number got called and my message was that of a wish for a speedy baby (pretty standard wedding wish) and the MC switched over to English to welcome “ a foreigner to our presence” and I was pretty embarrassed haha. He asked me if I had anything to say to the crowd and I just read my text aloud and got a few claps, picked my stuffed animal and beat a hasty retreat. I'm a lucky guy I would say and it just so happens that the nice girl I had met the night before showed up after the wedding (she wasn't part of it) and I had the chance to be super cheesy and give her the stuffed animal. Say what you want, she liked it :)

  After the wedding, we went to take some pictures in a park by a fountain and everyone was pretty silly and running around like we were all 10 years old. Lots of smiles going on that day indeed. We had some time to kill while the bride and groom went to change so we all went to an internet bar to play some games. We split into two teams and played a game that is close to a game that I used to play a lot so I felt pretty confident that I would hold my own. The only problem is that all my spells were in Chinese so I had no idea what was going on until I had died 10 times in a row or so. Well, we got the call we were waiting for and we were off to enjoy further festivities.

  We went out to eat dinner and sat around a nice big table with some great food that hit the spot even though we had just eaten a couple hours prior. The booze was again flowing and the toasts we're frequent. We hung out for quite some time in this restaurant and told stories, told jokes, asked each other questions and just had a good time in general. If you can't tell, we were all in high spirits for the whole weekend. We then went to the bride and grooms new apartment again and it's a sweet place indeed. We hung out for a bit, took some power naps and then headed out for the after-after party.

  The after-after party took place at a club where we got a VIP table and played my favorite drinking game of all time, SHAIZI!!!!!!!! Woohoo that was a good time. We all danced a bit and Jue's cute friend Zhang Ke showed up which was great. We hung out a bit and then Jue and her girlfriend took off along with Zhang Ke so I was left with all of my new friends which didn't bother me in the slightest. We played Shaizi for quite some time as other people came to join us and take part in the festivities. As we were all leaving, I got pictures with as many of my new friends as I could and promised them I would see them during Chinese new year at the latest because Jue had invited me to go back with her in late Jan for the holiday. Hopefully they'll come up to Shanghai before that or we'll go back to Ning Bo. We all left and I went back to the apartment to get some much needed sleep although I had to get up early again to go to Jue's house for a nice meal with his family before we left.

  The meal was great and Jue's father insisted that I drink with him during lunch to which I was obliged to say yes and proceeded to drink some scotch with him which almost made me lose my lunch, but I held it down. Jue's grandmother insisted on some Mah Jong before we all left and this time I actually came out a little bit ahead but didn't quite cover my losses from the day before. That's ok though, the experience is worth the price. The bride and groom along with a few friends then came over to take us to the bus station and Jue and I gave them a traditional hong bao or red envelope which is filled with money which is the pretty standard wedding gift. I was told to only put in 100RMB (15 bucks) because I didn't know them before hand but I've heard that if you're good friends or a family member, you are expected to pay anywhere from $150 - $1500 which is pretty crazy! With this we took off and headed for the bus station exchanging our goodbyes.

  This was probably the best experience I've had thus far in China and I really must say that I am so grateful to Jue and her girlfriend Nina who invited me to the wedding and especially to all of my new-found friends that took such great care of me. I am in love with China and I can't get enough of this place!

  Happy thanksgiving to all of you on Thursday and I hope that you all remember what you're thankful for. I also would ask that even though you're going to eat a bunch of food, if you could just fit a tiny bit more in for me, I would really appreciate it. I'm not going to have a thanksgiving meal but I will make sure to count my blessings. Big shout out to my friend Andy Patton today who's got a few interviews, you're the man for the job! Also big shout out to my family because I will miss you on Thanksgiving day! I mean, I miss you all the time, but I will especially miss you on Thursday... you and the mashed potatoes. Come watch me stream live at 7:30pm MST and I'll answer any questions you have about this weekend or anything in general! I might remember a few anecdotes while I'm at it too.

OK BYE BYE

Tony G.


Here's a link to my pictures: PICTURES! There are lots of them.